What is love? Baby, it hurts us all.
Your first official email of the "Do You Love Me?" newsletter
Hi! Welcome to my newsletter, Do You Love Me? I’m Amanda.
It’s nice to have you here. If you’re reading this, you may have found me through my previous writing, some form of social media, or a text or email saying “Hey! I have a thing now! Will you read it?” In any case, thank you for subscribing.
What is this newsletter?
Do You Love Me? is a weekly, digital letter from my heart-brain to your eyes. It’s a quiet space to discuss love, vulnerability, validation and the other emotions/experiences that make us human. You might be wondering: What gives you the authority to write about love? Lol, not much. I’m experienced in loving, but certainly not an expert. So take everything I say with several grains of salt.
But I’ve been asking “do you love me?” (either literally or internally) for my entire life. It started out with my parents, then my fellow preschoolers, my teachers, my friends who always seemed cooler than me, Stephen Spaseff (who rejected me on the last day of 3rd grade), a hefty slew of other crushes, acting teachers, more cool kids, colleges, various publications, boyfriends, boyfriends’ parents, boyfriends’ siblings, more friends, roommates, potential employers, this gypsy I met at a Renaissance Faire, my therapists, a few bartenders, several Lyft drivers and the Internet.
The other night, I was on the phone with my boyfriend and couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of starting a newsletter titled Do You Love Me?, and then asking my friends through text and social media to sign up for said newsletter. I wondered: Is this the biggest thirst trap I’ve ever set? (I just googled thirst trap and it is defined as a sexy photo posted on social media in order to attract attention. To prove that this is not a thirst trap, here is the least sexy picture I own.)
Thirst trap or not, I don’t think I’m alone in my never-ending quest for love. “Do you love me?” is the most vulnerable question a person can ask, and whether it’s calculated or subconscious, we all ask it, all the time. I think that this time in particular (QUARANTINE!), we’re asking that question with even more urgency. Have you noticed the increase in people vlogging, creating Instagram stories, and making guerrilla music videos on TikTok? (Celebrities are particularly guilty of this. ) Yeah, I’m sure this is partly due to boredom, but I also think it stems from a desire to be seen in a time where we’re so hidden from the outside world. That’s all we really want, isn’t it? To be seen, understood, and maybe, if we accomplish 1 and 2, loved?
In one of her Dispatches from Quarantine, Leandra M. Cohen of Man Repeller explains that the company’s mission had routinely been to “find the story in what it means to be alive.” I agree with so much of this—that same mission is what led me to be a writer. Love is such an integral part of being alive; though there are many things in the world that divide us, almost all of us can relate to heartbreak, love and the need for some sort of validation. And for the moments when we do feel very much alone, we can at least find connection in collective experience. Separate, and yet weirdly together.
What can I expect from this newsletter?
Loosely defined, Do You Love Me is: A place to discuss love and other complex things that make us feel alive. A method of clarifying amorphous feelings and ideas. A tool to stay in touch with my friends and make new ones. Something for you to read over the weekend with a cup of coffee. The format will likely fluctuate as I figure out what works and what doesn’t—and please, let me know what you think.
Essentially, you can expect:
Think pieces regarding nebulous topics (attachment, acceptance, boundaries, compatibility, to name a few)
A list of resources and things that bring me joy
Advice (write to me at amandamariekohr@gmail.com)
Personal stories
More baby animal pictures
Things that YOU want. If you have anything in particular you’d like to see covered, please let me know.
Another thing: I like questions. I think they provoke conversation and bring us closer together, and so I plan on ending these letters with a question or two. On our one year anniversary this past Monday, my boyfriend and I started the New York Times 36 Questions that Lead to Love. I’ve been forcing him to answer personal/deep questions since our second date, but this exercise still guided us to an uncharted level of emotional intimacy. One of the questions was, How does love and affection play a role in your life? I invite you to ponder that, either privately or in my comments section on Substack.
Thanks for reading. I love you!
xo,
Amanda