*Tiny thoughts will be a segment of Do You Love Me? consisting of short essays regarding big ideas. Today’s topic is Acceptance.
Hi everyone. How are we all doing today?
I’ve been told quarantine updates are stale but it’s hard to think about anything other than A) what’s going on in my brain and B) what’s going on outside. Isolation has become synonymous with introspection. Specifically, I’ve been thinking about control.
For a good portion of my life, I received validation from academic and creative accomplishments. The formula, particularly in academia, was simple: study X amount of hours after taking X amount of adderall, and get X grade. It was often a flawless plan, barring the few times that I had a panic attack from taking unprescribed adderall.
The reliability of this formula, the illusion of control, was all so comforting. School teaches us that we have control over our futures. And while to some extent I agree with the sentiment that “we are co-creators of our lives,” I also think the idea that we don’t have control merits some pondering. We don’t have control over much at all. The current global pandemic has taken this fact and magnified it. These days, I can barely control my eyebrows.
Have you heard the quote, “I accept the things I cannot control?” It’s a nice thought, but there’s a difference between the idea of acceptance and the experience. So I decided to try to use tools (a Headspace series) to guide me into the actual experience of acceptance. Longterm effects are TBD, seeing as I’m only on Week 1, and there’s a lot of work to be done.
Below are some things that I need to accept, but somehow struggle to:
The declining state of the United States Economy
The fragility of life
My anxiety
An uncertain future
A messy past
A chaotic present
A weird tooth I have
But the meditation is helping. In the moments when I’m on the Headspace App, getting quiet and asking myself, “what are you resisting?”, I feel something shake loose. (Headspace is adamant we ask the question in the second person, as it places us out of our heads and into the role of narrator.) Acknowledging the resistance somehow gives it less square footage, and space opens up. And in that space comes clarity and just enough peace for me to call the exercise a success.
I was listening to the Just Break Up podcast (recommend) the other day as I was making one of my three square meals and host/poet Sierra DeMulder said, “acceptance is where your power is.” In other words, if we choose to accept the things that make us scared, unhappy, and anxious, rather than deny them, the energy once used for resistance is available. We are empowered because we have our energy back.
Though I am addressing acceptance through the lens of quarantine, it can be applied to any area of life: job loss, the end of a relationship, death. Once, after a bad breakup when I couldn’t stop talking about my ex, my roommate said, “You talk about your relationship as if it’s still happening. But it’s over, and you need to accept that.” It took me longer than I’d have liked to let her tough love sink in, but once I did, I felt my world expanding.
Acceptance is giving up the hope that the past will be any different.
Acceptance is forgiving yourself for the choices you could not have made any differently.
Acceptance is creating space and reclaiming the moment as your own.
It’s easier said than done, and I am ~*definitely*~ no expert. But in a world where we can’t even hug and when a 2020 planner becomes scribbled with “self-homeschooling” and meditation sessions, it feels good to smooth out the wrinkles of resistance. And so I’ll leave you this: What are you resisting these days?
One last thought: It’s also nice to accept that this is a shitty time. Recent reads to validate that thought include “Self-Isolation is a Recipe for Depression”, and “Prepare for the Ultimate Gaslighting.” For happy things, I recommend Kiley Reid’s Such a Fun Age and a new pair of socks.
Until next time, I hope you stay in touch with me via Instagram or check out other writings and things on my website. I love you.
xo,
Amanda